Our Stoner Jesus, Who art on Earth Hallowed be Thy Bong...

Thy Weed doth come, Thy smoke be blown, on Earth as it is in Heaven...

Give Us this day our daily Bowl...

and forgive Us our Non Passes, as We forgive those who doth Pass against Us...

and lead us not into Homeland Security, but deliver Us from the D.E.A....

For Thine is the Kind, the Kush, and the Stoney...

for Ever and Ever....


--- Hidden (amen)

There we stood, Mo and I on the field of battle. The crowd stood hushed, packed in a dense ring that encircled us. Vultures circled overhead, in anticipation of feasting on the loser's carcass. The sun rose to its apex; the time had arrived.



The Atari game system was warmed up and ready to go. The Ms. Pacman cartridge was loaded up, the controllers in our hands, at the ready. The shit was on.



(I know what you're thinking: Hey Jesus, wasn't this 2,000 years ago? Where in the… Continue

Did you ever notice how much time people waste by complaining? I recently had a someone whining on my main blog about my site taking 15 SECONDS to upload. Yeah, you read that right, it probably took him longer to write out his stupid complaint than it takes my site to upload on his comp (it only takes 3 or 4 seconds on my computer, but I guess his slow internet connection is my problem too).



You see, there are people in this world with real problems, including people having their lives… Continue

He was tall, dark, and - even I have to admit - handsome. He wasn't big on miracles, but if you looked at him the wrong way, the violence would commence.



He called himself Muhammad, but most of us just called him "Mo." And he was my competition.



I could tell right away that Mary had a thing for Mo. And who wouldn't? he always dressed well and was good at sports, especially "Stone the Nonbelievers." He was state champ 4 years running. He had a great memory, never forgetting the… Continue

It is on this glorious day that all of God's stoned children gather together to partake of the bountiful weed.



The weed was put here for us to enjoy, yet certain people feel they have the right to lock us up for using God's gift. Maybe this is where I should turn the other cheek and forgive them, for they know not what they do...



Fuck that. I'm tired of forgiving. Ignorance is not an excuse to treat sick people like fucking criminals. It's not an excuse to force your values on… Continue

Mary was awesome. She liked to get baked and throw rocks at pigeons, just like me (although sometimes I cheated and made sure my rock smashed right into one of those little bastards, even when my throw was way off...what can I say? I'm competitive).



She liked to cook my favorite foods, like goat cheese and nomad...did I say nomad? I meant some other type of meat, that's not made of people. She liked to listen to me strum my acoustic guitar and sing old Jewish folk songs, like "Oh, Our… Continue